San Francisco's AI Boom Turns First Dates Into Job Interviews

San Francisco's AI boom is changing how its young, ambitious residents date. Founders and engineers say they date less because they work more, and when they do meet someone, a first coffee can feel like the final round of a job interview.

Mehul Agarwal, 24, co-founder of AI filmmaking startup Koyal, which has raised $3.4 million and joined Y Combinator a year ago, wants to find a wife before he gets rich. His criteria are strict: smart, beautiful, kind and with a personality. One date took two months to schedule, and he said it felt more like a networking meeting. He has told his parents that if he is 28 and still single, he will turn to arranged marriage.

Spreadsheets, chatbots and coaches

Many AI startup employees keep "996" schedules, working 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., six days a week. Joyce Zhang, 32, a former Stripe product manager, charges $5,000 a month to coach tech founders. She uses their own vocabulary, such as "top of funnel" and "conversion rate." Some clients link dating-app data to spreadsheets, run replies through ChatGPT or ask the chatbot to diagnose their dating history. Zhang says she pushes them to trust their intuition instead.

Sina Hartung, 29, co-founder of Eureka Health, said people shouldn't need to ask about family illness or desired children on a first date. She moved to New York in August after three years in the city. Amanda Chung, 25, said one founder would only meet after 10 p.m., and another quizzed her on her working style as if ticking boxes. She paused her Hinge account.

A skewed pool

The city has about 106 men for every 100 women, against roughly 98 nationally, according to the Census Bureau's American Community Survey. USC's Dowell Myers said newer AI arrivals may not yet show in census data, which lags by about two years.

Some residents are pushing back. At "Date My Ex," an event at the Kilowatt bar in the Mission, participants pitch a loved one with a slide deck in five minutes. Organizer Annalise Wulf, 25, said the series mocks extreme dating requirements and offers an alternative to apps, since sparks take time that few in the city's startup culture have.

Agarwal is still searching. His most promising prospect faded after two dates, as travel to India and Los Angeles intervened. He has 3½ years left before he hands the search to his parents.